April 29, 2020

As churches are planning their re-opening strategies, one of the major points of discussion is how churches will handle children’s ministry. Prior to COVID-19, many churches offered parents a respite for an hour or two where the preschoolers and elementary children would experience their own worship service. The children seemed to love it and the parents focused on the music and the preaching without the constant pulling, crying, nagging and embarrassing stares of people around them. With all that said, I believe we have lost a sense of how to parent from the pew. 

Robbie Fox Castleman, in her book, Parenting in the Pew, wrote: “In many of our modern, sophisticated congregations, children are often viewed as distractions. We tolerate children only to the extent they promise to become "adults" like us. Adult members sometimes complain that they cannot pay attention to the sermon, they cannot listen to the beautiful music, when fidgety children are beside them in the pews. "Send them away," many adults say. Create "Children's Church" so these distracting children can be removed in order that we adults can pay attention.” She went on to cite professors at Duke University who studied this phenomenon and noted, interestingly, that “Jesus put a child in the center of his disciples, "in the midst of them," in order to help them pay attention.... The child was a last-ditch effort by God to help the disciples pay attention to the odd nature of God's kingdom” (Castleman, 96).

While children’s church and extended session for preschoolers can be super effective and helpful to both the child and the parent, honestly, it has left a generation without the resources to know how to parent their children in an “adult” situation. Now, if you Google this topic, you will be online for a long time. So, knowing that many churches will bring in-person services back soon and knowing that most parents are not prepared for keeping their family together for “Big” church, what can parents do to have some measure of success “Sheltering in the Pew”? Through some research and pastoral experience, here are seven simple (notice I didn’t say…easy) tips I’m offering. You might think I am crazy, and you may have a good case, but when you venture back to in-person worship services, you might want to have these tools in your toolbox.

1. Food is Your Friend. One of the biggest distractions for a child is a hungry stomach. They may be the most well behaved child but when they are hungry….watch out! Make sure before you come to give them a good breakfast and bring some snacks for them. 
2. Clothing Choices Might Seem Silly but it Works. Rather than allowing your children to dress in their pjs or last year’s Halloween costume, talk to them about dressing up a bit. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not a suit and tie guy. I’m a jeans and button down guy, but children seem to feel special when they know there is a reason to put on “nice” clothes.
3. Proximity has a Purpose. Maybe the most counterintuitive thing I found in my research was that sitting closer to the front is better than sitting in the back close to the exit! Kids are easily distracted…duh, so are you! I’ve watched you!! Sit close to the front and talk with your children about what is going on up there. “Listen, they are singing about Jesus! We do the same thing at home.” Or, “Did you hear what the preacher just said? I want us to talk about that at lunch, ok?” It might sound crazy, but try it!
4. Pre-Game Pep Talks are Essential. Like a great coach who gets their team ready for a game, parents can rally their team for Game Day with an inspired word to challenge them with what they can expect, ground rules (be nice) and expectations for a post-game celebration (that’s my last point…stay with me).
5. Partnerships are Helpful. Now, in a time of social distancing, you might not have the luxury of having another family close by who can serve as a boundary for your runner or a distraction person to help bring calm to a child who is about to explode all over the older lady sitting in front who keeps giving you dirty looks. Maybe extended family or people you are very close to could help partner with you.
6. Special Books Can Distract and Instruct. Awww—-you knew I would get there, right? Of course, books are helpful, but especially “Special” books. What I mean is that children need books that teach them about the Lord and are unique to their time in worship. Books that only go to “Big” church are viewed as different and special, not the ones worn out and familiar.
7. Post-Game Pressers with Benefits Communicate a Ton. After a game, the coach gets with the press and talks about the game…the good, the bad, the ugly and what they learned. The same can be done with children. From your Pre-game pep talk, you can discuss how things went. “You really did well during the music. I could hear you trying to sing those songs.” “You were very quiet, coloring your sheets.” “What was one thing you heard about Jesus that you can remember?” Give them some reward from a high five to ice cream. Kids love the benefits of good conduct…you do too!

These are some tips that I hope you can use. Maybe you know some more and would like to contribute to the article by posting a comment. God bless you, parents, as you disciple your children and watch them grow in their understanding of our Savior Jesus Christ!

Websites you might enjoy: ministry-to-children.com; Lifeway.com; Crosswalk.com; Georgia Baptist Children's Facebook page

Share this post: